Kakan
by fire-emblem-girl
Summary: Drabble sorry . "If you hate me then why do you let me come back?" AkuRoku AU.


I'm very sorry to add to the drabble population! The title means "wreath" in Japanese. I used it because it's the name of the song that inspired this creature. The song is by the artist Amano Tsukiko-check her out, she's very awesome!

Kakan

"If you hate me…then why do you let me come back?"

The question leaves Roxas' mouth like ice cold poison that now slid into Axel's veins against his will. Of course it was valid. Of course Roxas had a point. And he didn't have an answer other than to get angry. Mad enough to yell and throw things and want to jump out a window just so he didn't have to hear himself screaming at the one person he didn't ever want to be pissed off at but ended up as such anyway.

"I do fucking hate you! Next time just don't bother coming back! I can smell her on you, you know Roxas?" his fingertips pressed into his palm hard enough to leave marks but the blonde just stood there staring. Like nothing in the world was wrong. Which for him was probably true. Because he didn't have to be the one waiting-staying up until the last possible moment before finally turning off the light and going to bed alone. Because it was Roxas who was gone. He was the one who came through the front door, trying to be quiet but managing to step on every single squeaky stair; he was the one who took a shower right away, without so much as looking at the red head and he was the one who couldn't get rid of her perfume from his clothes no matter how much he washed them, no matter what excuse he made for the distinct fragrance.

"Don't bother, Axel. If you don't want me then just kick me out. What's the harm in that?"

But he knows that Axel won't. that Axel can't because Axel is an idiot who loves him too much to ever get rid of him even if it means facing the sleepless nights and the stupid excuses that make no sense even to a half asleep person. So he stands in the doorway to the bathroom getting ready to wash away the remaining stench of _her_ off of his body while Axel hovers close to him-too close-trying to will himself not to forgive yet another transgression. Even though they both know that Roxas will stay in the bathroom for close to an hour then slide under the covers and then complain about how cold it is making Axel say that if he had been home they probably would've been warm by now. But god forbid that they actually fight for real.

Roxas closed the door with a soft click and Axel was left to return to the bed alone. As usual. He doesn't cry. Not because he doesn't want the blonde to hear-because he's probably not listening anyway-because he can't anymore. The first 4 times it happened before he did but not now. His chest hurt from trying to force out tears in the vain hope that Roxas would hear and feel bad and maybe say he's sorry but all there was was the pain that came from knowing that they were fucked up. Really fucked up. And he didn't know when it had happened. And he didn't know why he didn't just leave or get Roxas to leave and never look back but the thought never crossed his mind when he was angry. He wanted to get back at him. But then he didn't. He could go live with Demyx where everything was sitar playing and questionably edible food and happiness. Only Demyx had someone living with him now. So he wouldn't be welcome besides it would be awkward. No privacy. No Roxas either. That shouldn't have been a problem-because Roxas was an asshole to him and only bothered being nice when it suited him-but it was.

"It's cold in here."

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry."

"Okay."

"Do you…do want to go out somewhere tomorrow?" it's meant to be a peace offering. Something to say that he's actually sorry for what he did. Only Axel learned a long time ago that being sorry meant nothing.

"I don't know."

Roxas sighed loudly. The annoyance was clear in his voice, "what else do you want me to say? I said I'm sorry."

"I know. I'm just tired, got it memorized? I stayed up late." The 'waiting for you' part went unsaid but it may as well have been voiced. They both fell silent. Roxas placed a hand on the other man's hip and pulled him closer.

"Just let me know. We can go wherever you want."

"Okay."

But he didn't want to go anywhere. He just wanted Roxas to stay _here_. With _him_. Instead of going _there_ with _that girl_. Except he shut up and didn't say that. Because there was no point in wanting it to get better. Because he let Roxas off the hook all the time. Because Axel was an idiot who loved Roxas too much.

* * *

yup. So....that's the end! ^^; I might make this into a fic later after I finish SoBwB though I don't know when that monster of a fanfiction is GOING to end so we'll have to see.


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